Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
