that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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