Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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