u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
