so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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