Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
