1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
