You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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