Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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