After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
