you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
