The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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