Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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