it's too hot outside to masturbate.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
