Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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