Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
