you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
