He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
