Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she pinky promised me she was 18
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
