roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
