So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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