We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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