I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
