He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
