forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
