So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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