I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
