i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
