It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
