tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
