I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
this is an emotional support booty call
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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