Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
