Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
