If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
