i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
