Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
