The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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