I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
