So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
