alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
