Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
