I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
