Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
