also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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