She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
