mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
