I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
