he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
