Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
