Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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