i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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