I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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