You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
