He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
